Athletic Narcissism…
Athletic Narcissism is something that every high caliber athlete will struggle with at some point. It is almost inevitable, you train and train and focus so much on your goals and how you can over come and be the best. You have to be confident in yourself and abilities, which in and of itself isn’t narcissistic. It crosses the line when all you talk about is yourself and what you do and you become convinced that you and your accomplishments are the most important thing in your own life. I have had some wake up calls in this area as of late. Not that I think I am a narcissist, but I feel these recent experiences have helped me move away from that.
Just yesterday I attended a wedding. The wedding was for someone who I conceder a very close friend. I haven’t spent much time with him since I began cycling but I still count him as one of my best friends. Throughout the wedding ceremony I began to realize something. As I saw him celebrate in his new wife, new life family and friends, another friend of ours who I had attended the wedding with mentioned that we could probably go because we where “at the bottom of this weddings food chain.†It got me to thinking. Who in this big world of ours would put me at the top of that food chain. Who in the world would count me as one of their very best friends? As I thought, I drew no names. I also started to think of who I would have as my best man. I came up with at Least 5 names…names of people who where significant enough in my life that they could easily deserve to be my BEST. Yet I doubt I had played a significant enough role in their lives to be considered there best. It seems that sport and total dedication to it has turned me into wedding plankton. This does not offend me. It is what I deserve, I am barely around enough to be important in my own romantic relationship, how can I expect that any of my friends would see me as playing a significant enough role to hold me any closer. But I will tell you one thing. I thing the narcissist died yesterday. Why should I be the most important figure in my own life when I am not that important to anyone else in the world. They world of a wayfarer athlete is a lonely one. It was a humbling experience and made me realize just how much I have sacrificed in only 4 years for this sport. I have gained a lot too, but when I do re enter real life, I will have a lot of meaningful work to do for all those people that mean so much to me.
I am almost done the Cycling Genus Quiz…just have a few more genus deffinitions to write up then you too can figure out your destiny with a simple nonsensical quiz.
2 Comments
Ironbarista on October 24th, 2006
Weddings are full of plankton dont worry. The only people who arent are those in the wedding party. Being recently engaged I have been through a similar thought process recently. I have a list of a few guys I would like to have around on that big day but I dont expect to be in any wedding party any time soon.
To be honest your predicament has nothing to do with your pursuit of athletic excellence. It is more likely an example of differences in personality. There are those that will always be around others and those that are happy by themsleves. Call them extroverts and introverts if you want it doesnt really matter. Regardless you will impact people in your life and this blog is proof that their are people interested enough to check in and see how you are progressing.
Go after your dreams and goals and those that really care will support you along the way.
Jon on October 17th, 2006
At least you have an excuse for it Zach! Good luck with the training.