We need Some “POOP OFF”

Well After the first day of racing at sydney we team Canada has come out a little worse off then a porche under a telephone wire. Travis, Gina and I all…all seasoned competitors came out looking like JIT’s…What the heck happened. We have all raced at this level before…what is the problem? Well the general concensis seems to be lack of current experneience. We have experience yes but the first world cup is always a wake up call… “johnson pull your head out of your ass”. I basically rode a respectable pursuit…good time (4:35 somthing) and 2o min later jumped on the track for the scratch qualification…granted I was probably the only guy doing that and if I had been in the race and not had the legs maybe I would complain but that is not what happened…I had the legs legs where comfortable infact. I just made a tactical errors…was not cut trought didn’t grab the balls of it or whatever…in the end I didn’t qualify in a race I should have been able to no problem. I just made a bad move…granted it was a very bad move…probably the worst move of my international career actually…and in the end it made for no spot in the scratch final. Now don’t worry I am going to brush off pic up and hit it hard for the points tomrrow…that is the one I am REALLY here for anyway…the scratch was almost an option…and I am happy with my pursuit time…even if it didn’t put me where I expected it too.

But the long and the short of it is…we need to race more…not sally johnson sissy races but really hard ass stuff…at least once before we roll into a world cup. Every year we all come out with good motors and make tactical mistakes against guys that have 1 or 2 mor races allready under their belts this season…no point in puttinhg all your eggs in one basket if there is a hole in the bottum that you can see. I am lucky cause the stupidity I seemed to suffer from came in the least important race for me this year…if there was one race this year I could suck in it was the scratch here. Anyway I am going to use the poo remover to clean teh crap out of my sheets and use more than cromagnon portions of my brain tomrrow…that with my half decent engine right now should produce something a little better. Wish me luck…

What’s Your Genus? - - - Quiz

As I promised, the Zrail team of crack scientist have been researching for weeks to assemble a Cycling Genus reference guide. They have come up with what they believe is a set of 8 Genii that represent every facet of the competitive cycling family. If you want to find out what they cam up with take this Quiz and see how you fit. Then you can also see the other Genii and how to beat your friends in a weekly race. write down your ansewers on that recipt you have in your walet from Subway. Then go to the results page, and match your anwers to the numbers, Cosmo…err….I mean MENS HEALTH style. Tally up the numbers. The number you have the most of is your genus. Click on the number at the buttom of the results page to see your results. Sorry it is not more web friendly but the html just didn’t work out for me. Come back here and click on the poll bellow…the Zrail
scientists are trying to make a pie chart that represents how the cycling population is divided into these Genii. Enjoy

* The findings in/on this website are no way factual and are not intended to reflect directly or indirectly on an individuals or groups of people in an informative way. So don’t take offence, this is fictional fun*

I”M FREAKIN OUT!!!

Did I just get a round house kick to the face by a guy in pictured pants? (they still make and sell these and other varieties apparently…www.damagewear.com/ clothing/workout-pants.html) I think so…I am sitting here watching the news and in the last 20 minutes 2 stories have occupied my attempt to become better informed.

1st much music VJ RICK “who the heck cares” spoke for 15 minutes about how Shalaila (or whatever), some rockstar supernova girl who talks through her nose, had some meltdown and broke a glass and a shard cut some guys head. BOOO FREAKIN HOOO. I mean I will admit I have watched an episode of that show…but they were singing, you know being talented and some what exceptional. I am sure Brittney Spears dropped a dish in the last week and it broke…someone may have even cried…but it should not be on the PRIME TIME NEWS. There are people dying in wars, starving to death and stealing from each other in public…we need to re evealuate our priorities if this is what people feel they need to know.

Speaking of talent…the next story pretty much pushed me over the edge. The topic in question…when will video gaming be in the OLYMPICS. All together now…

!!!ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!

Props to all you gamers out there, you have mad skills…oh wait should I use web lingo…U got >:( sklz. U B gr8 wit dat [!].
(that last one is joy stick by the way, I think I may have mixed some eubonics in ther too)
But come on…the olympics is the ultimate athletic competition. I think it would be great to have a gaming olympics, and not just video games…get all those board game nuts from the 70’s and 80’s, as well as every winner of the poker games happening on every channel of espn to join in. That way they will all stop trying to con there way into the most celebrated event of athleticism in the history of the human race. If you can smoke and/or drink and/or save your progress for a month and come back and be at the same “level” as when you left then it is not a sport. Not to say that there aren’t thousands of people in the world doing it, and yes, some one is infact the best at it. But the olympics is not called “The Giant Contest of Who is Best at Any Damn Thing in the World…Games”.

The Olympics is a Celebration of athletics and sport…and the news is about relevent things that people need to know in order to get there asses off the couch and say, “What the hell thats not right, we need to do something about that.” and not to hear about some stupid “emotional break down” that some ya ya rock star had because she was drinking to much and finally realized she talks like a man. If you don’t hear about that crap, your life, and her life will go on, and both probably for the better.

There…I think…I may….just….be done freakin out………………*sigh*
Check out the cool pics my main squeeze brought back from greece (in the pic section)…they have a lava lamp like calming effect…imagine the woshing of the ocean while you look at them and you will……be……lulled off ……to ZZZZZZZZZ

Big Bucks and Barbicide….

I know, I know, every body is thinking “gee wiz this guy has been really lame-o with the blogs lately.” Well ok maybe you are not thinking in a 1985 schoolgirl phonetic but I am sure your hip and trendy, train of thought has produced some P H fat version of the above quote. Well here is blog to tide you over. The past few weeks have been a whirlwind extravaganza of fast racing and middle America experience. It all started about 2 weeks ago…

*cheesy fade to black and white flash back scene*

Bank of America was the biggest money race so far. My form was less than stellar. After get 2nd on one of the first big primes (no money for first loser…ha) I promptly became the ticket taker until about 9 laps to go. OUCH…I was obviously not any where near the form I had back in 82…

The rest of that week was spent with a Mr. Ryan “D” Wald. He treated me to many good and not so good experiences…Good = Riding in the Philly area…Not so Good = Scrapple (who thought making cream of MEAT was a good idea)

From there me and the “D” headed out to Chicago for some more big money…the dwindling pennies in our pockets encouraged our drive heavy legs to perform at a reasonable level. The Elk Grove Race say crazy roller derby style carnage in the first half lap. We came out with a cool $1000 prime…OOOO Rummy. We figured for once we at lest made out fair share. We where 1% of the field and we got 1% of the purse. What can I say us Canadians are all about sharing. We are like a country full of big purple dinosaurs.

Now I have spent the last week with a host family that have fed me well and showed me the sights of Chicago…Dominick, Anna (absent from photo), Vince, and Dominick Jr. have taken great care of me. Making sure I have the “Chicago experience”…awesome.

Lastly I went to get my top cropped…I used the following parameters when selecting my Stylist.
1. Walking distance on MapQuest
2. Price…as in lowest
3. How far away I could smell the nail polish remover and perm chemicals from
4. How many flocks of seagulls I could see when sitting in the chair.

In Retrospect I believe I need to update my selection criteria. Long story short I sat there looking at the blue container of combs that said BARBICIDE on it…Paralyzed…thinking how appropriate it was that that is in fact what I was doing. Committing barbicide…I am pretty sure I narrowly missed actually coming out of that place “back in 82”.

Cracked…

I don’t like writing lame blogs about races I am not in…but on this years tour I have to take the bait. Are you kidding me. This tour has seen more cracks than a humpty dumpty convention held on halloween. I mean it has been great that I have not been able to call one winner the whole tour. I have even tried holding my predictions till the last 10 km and I have still been wrong. I feel like I am watching racing again. These guys are going through ups and downs like real athletes.

I have been resting the last two weeks…Just got back on the bike on monday and let me tell you I feel unfit…but in a good way. And watching a tour where so many riders are cracking with day after day of hard racing has made my rest much easier to stomach. I am looking at 10 days in a row of racing coming up. No tour but hopefully the rest will help me keep my shell it tacked.

Who With the What Now…

“And that’s the ball game”…I’m sure someone heard that in the baseball crazy city of Boston some time in the past 36 hours I was there. Why was I there? For once it was relatively unrelated to cycling…somewhat. Here is the Story…

About a week ago I headed down to Rochester for the Twilight Crit. Great race…one of my all time favs now. It’s fast and fun with a little bit of everything. The team rode well with Dwald in a break and then the guys fought the good fight to at least get me to where I could cramp my way across the line to 8th.

From there I headed to the country for a bit of an escape. I spent the week with Brad and Jdub’s (Jon Wirsing) parents, wife and kids. It was great; it took me back to my roots in the wilderness a little…paddling and the like…but on with the story.

From there we headed over to Fitchburg, however we left with a new team mate. The new man will bring a new perspective to the blog. I am thinking of giving the dude a corner on the old blogarro. Introducing the one and only (ok maybe not only, but the resemblance is scary)* Dan Schmatz. Ok so he is not the real D Schmatz of Sierra Nevada Fam, but the resemblance is scary.

Fella got into a lot of trouble during Fitchburg…including macin’ on my main lady Jen. Feeling generally insecure as a result of Dan’s rippling pecks I felt I needed to treat her to a cliché holiday. After the Racing it was off to Boston for 36 hours of bean town fun. While there we saw all the sites. We walked the freedom trail, went to Cheers (no one knew my name) and had some of the Boston sea food everyone was talking about. Check the Pics…

OUR CAN SAW can saw any cans we saw…

Well to-to, we aren’t in AR-Kansas any more. The whirled wind tour is over. Joe-Martin and Tri-Peaks are done and the results are somewhat neutral and un-eventful. The trip was interesting we saw a lot of “goats” and one of these “beautiful” specimens that our expert bird watchers Russ and Brad identified as a “F%$#ing Beautiful Hawk”…right. They should spend more time out of the city….

On short it was a drive into Middle America to race bikes. The long highway time and low budget made this trip the ultimate topic for an Alanis Morissette song. Kind of a good time in the middle…but for the most part painful and to long. If she did write a song about our trip to OUR CAN SAW, it would probably go like this…

“Why did we have to go through Tennessee”

Waffle Houses, Signs, Burgers
Why God, Why?
Signs, Semis, Interstate 40
Why God, Why?

What have I done to deserve this Blue horror?
Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of Interstate 40
Like a Poe character, I’m wordy and alone
Why God, Why?

Hawks, Waffle Houses, Plains
Why God, Why?
Interstate 40, Plains, Burgers
Why God, Why?

What have I done to deserve this Blue disaster that is my life?
Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of Interstate 40
Like a Poe character, I’m wordy and alone
Why God, Why?

What have I done to deserve this Blue misery?
Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of Interstate 40
Like a Poe character, I’m wordy and alone
Why God, Why?

Why God, Why?
Why God, Why?
Why God, Why?
Why God, Why?

do what BIG PAPA tells you

What is in a nick name…is there any truth to it…as a new team member the team is, inevitably, looking to “label” the new guy. I have cycled through a few, and as with every men’s team I have been on, the names have gone progressively south. First I was the Canadian Cannon…one that I was hoping might stick…and it might have if it wasn’t for some meddling cycling news report that referenced certain softwood lumber like features of my anatomy, giving me the name TRUNK (get your mind out of gutter, its trunk as in tree trunk legs…not tripod) but now I have been deemed “Big Papa” which according to goggle puts me in the same category as this guy.

As a cyclist, this is not comfortable company…unless he could pull of a 13th on GC at Joe Martin, with teammate help. (there, there is your race update) which I doubt. This has led me to believe that big papa has very a very limited coolness factor for a white boy cyclist from northern canuckistan. Therefore I must shake the scourge upon my character lest I be forever deemed the “big papa”. A name suitable only for the questionable movie industry, and over sized novelty pickles (see Photo).

Huh…well I guess that is something I am already involved in (see videos above). I mean those are defiantly movies, and are certainly questionable at best. Maybe all they lack is proper promo. Well maybe this next film will do better, check out the two pieces of promotional material for my next ridiculous submission to the world of weblopidia. Click the poster to see the exclusive preview.

The Finalists

After many late nights, careful drug testing and general non-sense our panel of judges have selected the final five. These finalists have a little something special…not to say the others here are not good entries but the strengths of these finalists are undisputable. Some we just want to hear how they will win it. Thank you for all of your entries. Voting is officially open on this page.
Let the Race begin….

Racing for Team Enviro Clean Presented By thegreenmullet.com…Captin Planet

Riding for Reading Rainbow Presented by yellow bus…Miss Frizzle

Riding for for Dailynews.net…The Paper Boy

Riding for Oscorp…The amazing Spiderman

Riding unattached …the Silver Surfer

Vote TODAY

Voting closes JUNE 1st

“…the chiseled, tree-trunk legs…”

The following update will be in visual form only. The pictures below taken by Bill McCarrick at buffalo2step photography (http://cvillebike.com/photos/v/2006TOS/).

We done good…Two of four sweaters, 1 win and 2 podiums in 7 days…none of it would have been possible with out the team. The skinny pro road like an ox when I needed him.

I leave you with this humorous referance found in the stage 7 update on cycling news.

” Over the past six days, Brent Bookwalter proved his mettle as an all rounder. He succeeded in the gruelling Blue Ridge Mountains. He excelled in the time trials. And in the finale, he took on the chiseled, tree-trunk legs of Rite Aid’s Zach Bell, one of Canada’s top track cyclists.” On of the mor interesting media references I have ever incountered…

I have lots more coming down the Z-Rail so stay tuned for films, contest updates and other tantilizing tubular titalation over the next week.