I”M FREAKIN OUT!!!

Did I just get a round house kick to the face by a guy in pictured pants? (they still make and sell these and other varieties apparently…www.damagewear.com/ clothing/workout-pants.html) I think so…I am sitting here watching the news and in the last 20 minutes 2 stories have occupied my attempt to become better informed.

1st much music VJ RICK “who the heck cares” spoke for 15 minutes about how Shalaila (or whatever), some rockstar supernova girl who talks through her nose, had some meltdown and broke a glass and a shard cut some guys head. BOOO FREAKIN HOOO. I mean I will admit I have watched an episode of that show…but they were singing, you know being talented and some what exceptional. I am sure Brittney Spears dropped a dish in the last week and it broke…someone may have even cried…but it should not be on the PRIME TIME NEWS. There are people dying in wars, starving to death and stealing from each other in public…we need to re evealuate our priorities if this is what people feel they need to know.

Speaking of talent…the next story pretty much pushed me over the edge. The topic in question…when will video gaming be in the OLYMPICS. All together now…

!!!ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!

Props to all you gamers out there, you have mad skills…oh wait should I use web lingo…U got >:( sklz. U B gr8 wit dat [!].
(that last one is joy stick by the way, I think I may have mixed some eubonics in ther too)
But come on…the olympics is the ultimate athletic competition. I think it would be great to have a gaming olympics, and not just video games…get all those board game nuts from the 70’s and 80’s, as well as every winner of the poker games happening on every channel of espn to join in. That way they will all stop trying to con there way into the most celebrated event of athleticism in the history of the human race. If you can smoke and/or drink and/or save your progress for a month and come back and be at the same “level” as when you left then it is not a sport. Not to say that there aren’t thousands of people in the world doing it, and yes, some one is infact the best at it. But the olympics is not called “The Giant Contest of Who is Best at Any Damn Thing in the World…Games”.

The Olympics is a Celebration of athletics and sport…and the news is about relevent things that people need to know in order to get there asses off the couch and say, “What the hell thats not right, we need to do something about that.” and not to hear about some stupid “emotional break down” that some ya ya rock star had because she was drinking to much and finally realized she talks like a man. If you don’t hear about that crap, your life, and her life will go on, and both probably for the better.

There…I think…I may….just….be done freakin out………………*sigh*
Check out the cool pics my main squeeze brought back from greece (in the pic section)…they have a lava lamp like calming effect…imagine the woshing of the ocean while you look at them and you will……be……lulled off ……to ZZZZZZZZZ

Big Bucks and Barbicide….

I know, I know, every body is thinking “gee wiz this guy has been really lame-o with the blogs lately.” Well ok maybe you are not thinking in a 1985 schoolgirl phonetic but I am sure your hip and trendy, train of thought has produced some P H fat version of the above quote. Well here is blog to tide you over. The past few weeks have been a whirlwind extravaganza of fast racing and middle America experience. It all started about 2 weeks ago…

*cheesy fade to black and white flash back scene*

Bank of America was the biggest money race so far. My form was less than stellar. After get 2nd on one of the first big primes (no money for first loser…ha) I promptly became the ticket taker until about 9 laps to go. OUCH…I was obviously not any where near the form I had back in 82…

The rest of that week was spent with a Mr. Ryan “D” Wald. He treated me to many good and not so good experiences…Good = Riding in the Philly area…Not so Good = Scrapple (who thought making cream of MEAT was a good idea)

From there me and the “D” headed out to Chicago for some more big money…the dwindling pennies in our pockets encouraged our drive heavy legs to perform at a reasonable level. The Elk Grove Race say crazy roller derby style carnage in the first half lap. We came out with a cool $1000 prime…OOOO Rummy. We figured for once we at lest made out fair share. We where 1% of the field and we got 1% of the purse. What can I say us Canadians are all about sharing. We are like a country full of big purple dinosaurs.

Now I have spent the last week with a host family that have fed me well and showed me the sights of Chicago…Dominick, Anna (absent from photo), Vince, and Dominick Jr. have taken great care of me. Making sure I have the “Chicago experience”…awesome.

Lastly I went to get my top cropped…I used the following parameters when selecting my Stylist.
1. Walking distance on MapQuest
2. Price…as in lowest
3. How far away I could smell the nail polish remover and perm chemicals from
4. How many flocks of seagulls I could see when sitting in the chair.

In Retrospect I believe I need to update my selection criteria. Long story short I sat there looking at the blue container of combs that said BARBICIDE on it…Paralyzed…thinking how appropriate it was that that is in fact what I was doing. Committing barbicide…I am pretty sure I narrowly missed actually coming out of that place “back in 82”.

Who With the What Now…

“And that’s the ball game”…I’m sure someone heard that in the baseball crazy city of Boston some time in the past 36 hours I was there. Why was I there? For once it was relatively unrelated to cycling…somewhat. Here is the Story…

About a week ago I headed down to Rochester for the Twilight Crit. Great race…one of my all time favs now. It’s fast and fun with a little bit of everything. The team rode well with Dwald in a break and then the guys fought the good fight to at least get me to where I could cramp my way across the line to 8th.

From there I headed to the country for a bit of an escape. I spent the week with Brad and Jdub’s (Jon Wirsing) parents, wife and kids. It was great; it took me back to my roots in the wilderness a little…paddling and the like…but on with the story.

From there we headed over to Fitchburg, however we left with a new team mate. The new man will bring a new perspective to the blog. I am thinking of giving the dude a corner on the old blogarro. Introducing the one and only (ok maybe not only, but the resemblance is scary)* Dan Schmatz. Ok so he is not the real D Schmatz of Sierra Nevada Fam, but the resemblance is scary.

Fella got into a lot of trouble during Fitchburg…including macin’ on my main lady Jen. Feeling generally insecure as a result of Dan’s rippling pecks I felt I needed to treat her to a cliché holiday. After the Racing it was off to Boston for 36 hours of bean town fun. While there we saw all the sites. We walked the freedom trail, went to Cheers (no one knew my name) and had some of the Boston sea food everyone was talking about. Check the Pics…

On The DL

Well, things could be going a bit better. In the last week I have found myself on the disabled list. In other words, I have been having some knee issues, but the good news is I have been smart enough and have had enough help from doctors and physios around me that I have at least remained day to day. The bummer part is the races that I am missing because of it. Captech was like our teams home base race; CSC is, well its CSC - one of the most intense crits in the US. And today I will be missing Lancaster. It is unfortunate because I have been riding quite well but I guess that is life as a cyclist. I believe I have made the right decisions though. My knee is near better after only one week and starting anyone of these tough races could have put me further back. It is still hard to sit out what is one of the major peak times of the season. But it is for the greater good.

On another note, The Super hero Contest is over and SPIDERMAN has made a late surge from behind to nip the paper boy Robbie MC style at the line. Congratulations to the winner your prize pack will be mailed out mid month when I arrive back in Canada. And thanks to all who took part. I will try to cook up more interesting things later on. Better prizes too.

Anyway I leave for Pan Ams tomorrow so todays recovery of the knee will be crucial. Wish me luck.

do what BIG PAPA tells you

What is in a nick name…is there any truth to it…as a new team member the team is, inevitably, looking to “label” the new guy. I have cycled through a few, and as with every men’s team I have been on, the names have gone progressively south. First I was the Canadian Cannon…one that I was hoping might stick…and it might have if it wasn’t for some meddling cycling news report that referenced certain softwood lumber like features of my anatomy, giving me the name TRUNK (get your mind out of gutter, its trunk as in tree trunk legs…not tripod) but now I have been deemed “Big Papa” which according to goggle puts me in the same category as this guy.

As a cyclist, this is not comfortable company…unless he could pull of a 13th on GC at Joe Martin, with teammate help. (there, there is your race update) which I doubt. This has led me to believe that big papa has very a very limited coolness factor for a white boy cyclist from northern canuckistan. Therefore I must shake the scourge upon my character lest I be forever deemed the “big papa”. A name suitable only for the questionable movie industry, and over sized novelty pickles (see Photo).

Huh…well I guess that is something I am already involved in (see videos above). I mean those are defiantly movies, and are certainly questionable at best. Maybe all they lack is proper promo. Well maybe this next film will do better, check out the two pieces of promotional material for my next ridiculous submission to the world of weblopidia. Click the poster to see the exclusive preview.

Contest Closed

Track Worlds completes what I consider to be a successful track campaign. It also starts a whole chapter in the cycling year of 2006. Now I am back in Virginia, back at the monastery…it seemed to work last time right. Over the next couple days I will be riding when weather permits (there is major thunderstorms in the forecast right now…and racing my first road race this year at the tour of Shenandoah. I am looking forward to it.
The Contest is officially closed…Christoph and I will be locking ourselves deep in the monastery cloister for some meditation and deliberation on your submissions and when smoke rises from the monastery BBQ the final 5 will have been selected for the final stage.
Also I will be working on a video from world championships that will include but is not limited to footage of mini super bike riding so stay tuned.

Judges, Journeys, Jokers and Jet Lag

The contest is looking good, keep the entries coming. In my opinion we have some strong competitors. However I believe some of the favorites are yet to be claimed. The entries will officially close on the 18th of April (that’s when I am back from worlds).

Right now Favorites: (In my opinion) include the Flash, and firestorm…but contestants like James bond and the $6,000,000 man are bound to have secrets up their sleeves.

One last contest note: I am proud to announce the guest Judge for the contest. Many of you have seen him on the site before, none other than the bishop of bike, the guru of gears, direct from the Charlottesville Monastery, always a humanitarian and fraudulent veterinarian; MR…….CHRISTOPH HERBY whaaaaaaa yeah the tens of people go wild.

That’s right ladies, the superstar himself, from 2skinnypros.com. His resume includes but is not limited to:
- Most jacked cyclist on 2skinnypros.com (excluding the CAT 3 corner)
- Voted most aerodynamic at the Rite Aid Camp
- Film Star Ultraordinar (that’s right beyond Extrordinar and absolutely NOT Ordinar)

Finally, on the docket today we have a new video available for your viewing pleasure. This is a good one, an energetic film about the Commonwealth Games experience…I had so much material that it was hard to edit…so enjoy…and remember…its not over till its over.

So keep your contest entries coming…with the entries thus far I will guarantee a prize
with some commonwealth games schwag in it for the winner so now it is really worth your time to get in on the action.

The Ultimate Showdown of CYCLING destiny…CONTEST (Reader Interactive)

So a friend of mine recently sent me this funny little song called the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny. It got me thinking, what if these superheroes/villains, settled there differences on the bike like responsible masters riders…who would win?

Well now is their chance…Allow me to introduce the opening of the Zerailleur Ultimate Showdown of CYCLING Destiny Contest. I am asking all of you readers out there (how ever many 5’s that might be) to submit your contestant (by adding a comment to this article). Please provide the ONE most significant reason you think this superhero/villain rider could win the Tour de France (Super Hero Edition). In approximately 2 – 4 Weeks (or when I get to it)…I will select a top 5 from the nominations (providing there are more than 5) and post a web poll to the readers to choose a winner. If your Super hero wins…hooray…you are the best super hero cycling coach ever…BUT you also may or may not be eligible for a prize valued in the ones of dollars (It depends on how much interest there is, I will try to put something cool together for your efforts).

Here are the Ground Rules and fine Print:

Race Details: Tour de France style race, with all available individual jerseys and time bonuses. The rider you select is racing for the Yellow. His/her strengths and weaknesses will be pitted against those of the other finalists. NOT AGAINST ORDINARY CYCLISTS, so choose carefully. (i.e. Superman would loose to a kryptonite toting weekend warrior)

Eligibility: Entrant may be any fictitious character you deem capable of riding a stock, commercially available frame size; some riders may be scaled somewhat to fit (i.e. the hulk could ride a 62cm frame). Entrants may come from be but are not limited to comic books, film, radio, literature, or any other realm of pop culture appropriate to a PG audience that you feel you can make a convincing and hopefully entertaining argument for.

Limitations:
- Your rider must not be of Theological origin (don’t want to argue religion with anyone)
- Your rider must be a pre-established character…I don’t want to find a super hero entered called “super amazing bike guy” made up by me. If I can’t find it by entering the name in google it won’t make the cut.
- Your rider must have innate NATURALLY GIFTED ability. Any potions, injections, or performance enhancing race apparel (rocket packs, strength potions etc.) will be viewed as being in violation of WADA regulations and will result in an immediate ban from the contest.
- Your rider must be submitted SOLO, i.e. Mr. Stretch would NOT compete as a member of the Fantastic 4. (maybe we will do a team contest if this goes well)
- Riders will have to ride within the rules of the UCI, no maiming, killing, melting of others person or equipment. All superhuman powers must be used to advance ones own cycling.

If your rider is selected for the final 5 you will be given an opportunity to write a brief blog describing the point in the race where he/she took it all. This will be your chance to sway other readers to vote in your characters favor. This will be edited to an appropriate blog length before I post it so no novels. This would be totally optional if your hero is selected.

Hero’s are on a first submission first dibs basis so if you’re hero or variant of your hero is taken you are out of luck. (i.e. If you want superman and Clark Kent has been claimed, better ask wonder woman what she is up to).

If you add a hero in the form of a comment I will have your email I think so I will let you know if you make the final 5. One hero per person.

Good Luck

Here is a Test Poll to see if I can actually do the real poll at the end…please try it out…I am not sure if it will work?

Airport Reflecting Pools

So I am sitting here in the LAX airport…paying for the day long internet connection…because, unfortunately, I am here long enough that it is actually a good deal…I will have been here almost 12 hours by the time my plane leaves the ground…I guess it is giving me the time to reflect on the experience of my first major games….the best way to analyze it…lets *WICKY WICKY* break it down

The Goods:
- Food, in many verities, every 100m or so, 24hours a day as far as I could tell
- 300 dollar HBC blanket
- CDN Record, 5th in the Scratch, a smoking TT along the beach and tan lines to boot.
- FOOS BALL, In the house for free (after some aggressive negotiation with the table)
- A sweet track and the best group of Canadian cycling dudes to chill with (Mtn bikers are all right guys.)
- Travis Smith – two medals – the first two by a pizza man who get you your pizza when it absolutely, positively has to be there over night some time…
- Air Miles – I am one step closer to being super ultra mondo cool air Canada dude guy who can sit in the lounge and listen to jazz music while I wait…
- I have finally found the axel that makes me ride fast…AXEL ROSE
- Melbourne and Melbournians (highly recommended as a vacation or final shipwreck destination)
- TROY, not the movie, the bad ass dude who could fix all our bikes…and all the tri-athletes bikes (oops we forgot our mechanic in Canada…you work for free right) and all the wheel chair athletes…he must have been hired by the CCTAWA cause he never complained once…

The Bad’s
- Holy butt crack X Ray shorts batman
- The Martin’s grasp of English present tense “don’t broke my rollers”
- Cam’s grasp of French profanity (and French in general)
- 7 days of travel time total…I mean I know it is a long way but wouldn’t it be faster to just wait for the earth to spin underneath you???
- Bike BAGs…as in plural, as in to damn much crap to fit in the average elevator…
- Eating with sprinters when you are a endurance dude…”come on one more steak won’t make you go down hill any slower…what you can go up hill on a bike???”
- my bikes had better have been up in the first class cabin since the cost more to put on the plane than ME.
- having to leave the day after your event…and missing the opening ceremonies at your first games…

Well there you have it…I would say that weighs in at just a pound over good times where had by all with only a hint of jet lag…with the long travel times I think I was able to progressively adjust to the time change, its really the only way to travel…next time I will take boat…a row boat I think…that way I will never know the difference.

See you on the right…

THE MOST ANTICIPATED SHORT DOCUMENTARY TYPE MONASTIC CYCLING FILM OF THE YEAR

Check out the NEW VIDEO….wednesday, WEdnEsday WEDNESDAY

Ha ha..the people here in the plesantville that is the Commonwealth Games Village are kind enough to provide us with high speeeeeeeed interweb free of charge…and I, the ever concious blogtastic master of my own domain name have passed the beauty of it all on to you. The Charlletsville Documentary has recived excellent reviews with blog goers saying it is “nearly the best short documentary type film under 3 min set to monastic chanting they have seen all year.” and “Christoph Herby is the best cyclist in a monastic roll in 2006.” “he delivers a confusing and moving performance that leaves you laughing on your side and wondering what date it actually is.”

If you see only one short documentry type monastic film all afternoon make it this one….

Reviews may not be actual quotes, infact reviews are likley entirly made up…but the fact that I went to the trouble should make you want to see it even more…