The Ultimate Showdown of CYCLING destiny…CONTEST (Reader Interactive) March 27, 2006
So a friend of mine recently sent me this funny little song called the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny. It got me thinking, what if these superheroes/villains, settled there differences on the bike like responsible masters riders…who would win?
Well now is their chance…Allow me to introduce the opening of the Zerailleur Ultimate Showdown of CYCLING Destiny Contest. I am asking all of you readers out there (how ever many 5’s that might be) to submit your contestant (by adding a comment to this article). Please provide the ONE most significant reason you think this superhero/villain rider could win the Tour de France (Super Hero Edition). In approximately 2 – 4 Weeks (or when I get to it)…I will select a top 5 from the nominations (providing there are more than 5) and post a web poll to the readers to choose a winner. If your Super hero wins…hooray…you are the best super hero cycling coach ever…BUT you also may or may not be eligible for a prize valued in the ones of dollars (It depends on how much interest there is, I will try to put something cool together for your efforts).
Here are the Ground Rules and fine Print:
Race Details: Tour de France style race, with all available individual jerseys and time bonuses. The rider you select is racing for the Yellow. His/her strengths and weaknesses will be pitted against those of the other finalists. NOT AGAINST ORDINARY CYCLISTS, so choose carefully. (i.e. Superman would loose to a kryptonite toting weekend warrior)
Eligibility: Entrant may be any fictitious character you deem capable of riding a stock, commercially available frame size; some riders may be scaled somewhat to fit (i.e. the hulk could ride a 62cm frame). Entrants may come from be but are not limited to comic books, film, radio, literature, or any other realm of pop culture appropriate to a PG audience that you feel you can make a convincing and hopefully entertaining argument for.
Limitations:
- Your rider must not be of Theological origin (don’t want to argue religion with anyone)
- Your rider must be a pre-established character…I don’t want to find a super hero entered called “super amazing bike guy” made up by me. If I can’t find it by entering the name in google it won’t make the cut.
- Your rider must have innate NATURALLY GIFTED ability. Any potions, injections, or performance enhancing race apparel (rocket packs, strength potions etc.) will be viewed as being in violation of WADA regulations and will result in an immediate ban from the contest.
- Your rider must be submitted SOLO, i.e. Mr. Stretch would NOT compete as a member of the Fantastic 4. (maybe we will do a team contest if this goes well)
- Riders will have to ride within the rules of the UCI, no maiming, killing, melting of others person or equipment. All superhuman powers must be used to advance ones own cycling.
If your rider is selected for the final 5 you will be given an opportunity to write a brief blog describing the point in the race where he/she took it all. This will be your chance to sway other readers to vote in your characters favor. This will be edited to an appropriate blog length before I post it so no novels. This would be totally optional if your hero is selected.
Hero’s are on a first submission first dibs basis so if you’re hero or variant of your hero is taken you are out of luck. (i.e. If you want superman and Clark Kent has been claimed, better ask wonder woman what she is up to).
If you add a hero in the form of a comment I will have your email I think so I will let you know if you make the final 5. One hero per person.
Good Luck
Here is a Test Poll to see if I can actually do the real poll at the end…please try it out…I am not sure if it will work?
25 Responses to “The Ultimate Showdown of CYCLING destiny…CONTEST (Reader Interactive)”
Popeye!!!!
P
If nothing else, at least he always gets the woman at the end!
Mr Freeze, he’s just to cool…ah, thats just embarrasing
I’ve got to go with Firestorm. The guy can change his own density! Now that would certainly help going uphill.
*Judge’s Note* - He can “alter his own molecular density and the molecular configuration of all inanimate matter”. That changes things a little I think…A stong contender none the less.
The Flash….. He would win all the sprints….I’m not sure how his MVO2 would stack up though. Might suck as a climber.
The Blue teleporter guy from X men 2. He looks kind of like the devil. He can teleport himself and whatever he is holding OR riding.
Well I think it would be the Human Torch (a.k.a. Johnny Storm) because when he gets fired up he is as quick as lightning (not a word :-p), although his bike might go up in flames…
Captain Planet! Because his passion for the environment will enable him to use extra strength at riding the bike and save fossil fuels!
Ms Frizzle!(from the Magic School Bus)
She beats Mr Sinew (the gym teacher who can rip shirts just by flexing) at the Teacherathalon!
I was going to say the flash (53×11x10000rpm) but that’s taken so I will say the six million dollar man. Nanananananana!
Bond, James Bond.
Because Q is his mechanic and his bike would have super secret features that would give him the edge. And Zach is my uncle and I’m super cute so I should win
It’s unfortunate that the 8-bit genius of the Paperboy has not been mentioned. 20 years of riding on his digital route with excess newspapers has made him savvy in the world of street-racing. The glory of victory and the prospects of moving out of his Mom’s basement is motivation enough for an inevitable win. My thoughts on his chances… let’s just say, he will DELIVER.
;)
http://www.whatisthe2gs.apple2.org.za/the_fairway/game_pages/game_boxes_large/paperboy.jpg
I was going to Ryan, but Zach wouldn’t let me have multiple entries….se if he gets a birthday present this year…..
I would have to go with one of Calvin’s alter egos, Spaceman Spiff. With his great bike handling skills, developed from flying his space ship, he would be able to ride away from anyone on the descent. Either than or he would crash out of the race in a blaze of glory. He always seemed to be crashed on a planet.
Though he may not be considered a super hero, I’m going with Inspector gadget - he’s naturally made of gadgets, how could he not win!!
[…] The contest is looking good, keep the entries coming. In my opinion we have some strong competitors. However I believe some of the favorites are yet to be claimed. The entries will officially close on the 18th of April(that’s when I am back from worlds). […]
Garfield! There’s no other contender that comes close. Well, OK Sprocket Man was a bicycle riding superhero in the mid 70’s so I guess he’d have a chance.
…and of course it’s Garfield because…
He’s a cat with feline reflexes, a trim muscular profile, an active lifestyle, a highly competitive nature, a strong work ethic, an strict diet, incredible self control and motivation, a highly developed sense of self confidence combined with a can-do attitude, a never die approach to challenge. Oh yes, and he’s my choice. Do you need more?
Mr. T - his van is wicked fast, so he know how to handle the speed. Plus, I pity the fool who tries go against Mr. T.
www.mrtvseverything.com
I really over-thought this…..
I figure Superman has to be a contender in the superhero bike race. SRM doesn’t make a power meter that can handle Superman. As he is “more powerful than a locomotive”, we can assume he sustains between 4600 and 5200 kilowatts. (http://hypertextbook.com/facts/2001/RadmilaIlyayeva.shtml
Also, his ability to fly is based on Earth’s comparatively low level of gravity compared to his home planet. If gravity means nothing to him, his over-sized body won’t slow him on the climbs.
Superman also has an unfathomable lung capacity, allowing him to spend hours in space without having to take a breath. So, the dude must have a crazy vo2max.
My lingering concern is whether or not modern bike manufacturing techniques can accomodate superman’s power. He may need a wrought iron frame, and definitely these wheels http://www.cyclingnews.com/tech.php?id=photos/2006/tech/features/Stalingrad/Stalingrad
Zerailleur Note: Granted there are issues with the equipment. For this we will assume each superhero has a sponsor that has developed a bike capable of withstanding the given traits of the superhero in question, within reason. Bikes are compatable with super powers, they just can’t enhance them.
Easy. Chuck Norris. I win.
Don’t even question why or Chuck will roundhouse you into next week.
Hey Zach, my vote is for “the amazing” Spiderman (as if the name itself doesn’t seal the deal).
1. He is of normal size, and therefore can ride standard equipment and utilize the advantages of drafting.
2. He has incredible strength (reference either the comic book or movies).
3. He has explosive power. His ability to jump from building to building shows that he can generate a tremendous amount of power (no SRM needed).
4. His legendary spidey-sense will allow him to avoid crashes and work his way through the peloton with ease.
5. And lastly, he is already kitted-out in full head-to-toe aero gear (including a mask).
Just my $0.02 (CAD)
-DC
While all competitors mentioned thus far would in fact make worthy opponents, and a race the likes of which humanity has never seen, Norrin Radd (better known as The Silver Surfer) would handily put them all to shame. A celestial being of literally incalculable power, whose entire existence is based solely upon his ability to travel faster than thought. Faster than the speed of light. To literally transcend the concept of speed as we know it. Many would quickly argue that it is the Surfer’s legendary silver surfboard that enables him to achieve these staggering speeds. While true to an extent, fails to take into account the phenomenal strength and balance required by Silver Surfer to stand on his board as it achieves these speeds. Assuming that the bike itself could withstand the mind-blowing forces that Silver Surfer’s legs would apply to the frame, tires, pedals etc… the speed with which Norrin Radd would race this race of epic proportions would quite literally be limitless.
Others may call into question Silver Surfer’s “endurance”, however, those who believe this to be a weakness are be grossly mistaken. Silver Surfer does not have to eat, sleep, or breathe. He has literally stood beside a star and watched the course of it’s lifecycle play out in it’s entirety. From the star being born until it burns itself out. This event demonstrates possibly the most important aspects of any athlete, determination, resolve, and concentration. People discuss how difficult it is to “stay the course” sometimes over the long term—like in a long distance race such as this—yet try to imagine the determination required to decide to watch a star be born, live and then die. It requires all of these attributes on such a grandiose scale that it’s difficult for humans to comprehend. And therein lies why I believe Silver Surfer will win. All previous competitors mentioned are limited (in one way shape or form), and the Silver Surfer is not.
The Silver Surfer is going to own this Tour de France thing, whatever it is…
Abbott, you suck
Lance Armstrong